Solitude....

As I sit in an air-conditioned bus I look outside, the empty highway and the dark night. I thought for a while and then asked myself, “what am I doing with my life?’Nothing .Loneliness has taken over and I don’t have a single friend who I can call my own anymore and no one who I can share the reason why I am depressed. Loneliness is the reason why I am not able to do the things I really want to, something is stopping me from inside. It is weird and not at all right.  I have a really cheerless life at the moment and the most horrible phase of my college life. Worse than last year. All of this because of one mistake I made when I knew what the consequences would be like, but I took the risk and here I am. I started this academic year with a lot of tasks in mind but now it feels like nothing’s happening. One good thing that is happening is the ‘Ruia documentary’. It is something that keeps me occupied and of course the assignments which are yet to be finished.

Going back home for a while made me feel good. I left all my problems behind and was back in my comfort zone. But now on my way back to Mumbai all those sad memories rush back as I still stare at the empty road. Solitude occurs when you miss that one person you are really fond off and miss them in their absence. Someone whose words appease you when you are at your lowest. I am thinking of that one person with whom I haven’t had a decent conversation for two months now, with whom one nice chat can help me get over those 3 months of gloominess. 

New

9 months have passed. Things have changed. I came here with a dream any ordinary teenager has when he comes to a big city. I wanted to be independent, I wanted to change. Things changed right from the day mom and dad left me here. I have dreams, huge ones. As college started I realized how it feels to be homesick. It's sick. Trust me. This is for people who don't have any experience staying away from family. Days passed and i made new friends. I couldn't help notice so many differences between Bangalore and Mumbai. Life is so different and fast. Over here i realized that i cannot be the same. I had to change myself. Its hard to do so. Life is fast. People in the big city are different. As months passed i found it difficult to trust people. Like I said people are different here. I became very conscious about money. I realized the value of money in my pocket. Thanks to that now i can call myself 'kanjuce'.

There was a fear in me whenever I was at the station. Mom , Dad and a few others had given me strict instructions on what to do when at the station. Wallet front pocket,cellphone in my hand, bag in the front and no talking to others. Days passed , months passed and i actually got used to it. Now I am one of them who gets into the trains first, shouting and pushing.

The best part I like about the place is the sea. One place to relax. One place to be in peace. I'm satisfied with the place where I have taken up the PG accommodation because of its proximity to the college and to the beach. Anyday I'm low i decide to walk up to Dadar Chowpatty. I could sit and look at the sea for hours.

Well thats the title for my 1st post 'new'. A new life, a new enviornment, new people..